Attorney’s Tips for Recovering From a Difficult Divorce
As an experienced divorce attorney, I have helped hundreds of people get through the legal process of a divorce and obtain the settlements they deserve. I care deeply about my divorce clients, and I have seen firsthand the emotional toll divorce can take. Recovering from a bad divorce is tough – and can leave one feeling drained and exhausted.
After a bad divorces, it is normal to feel lost, hurt and disappointed. But struggles are not only part of life, they are actually essential for our continued development as a person. Difficult experiences provide us an opportunity to learn and evolve into stronger, better, wiser human beings.
Common stages after a divorce, when your emotions are in turmoil, include:
There can be a tendency to be in denial; being unsure if it’s really the end. Sometimes, remaining feelings of love will tell you not to move on, even though logic tells you it is over.
Feelings of hate are normal when someone has done something to deeply hurt you – such as lie or be unfaithful. But hatred is not healthy for you – as it only attracts further negativity into your life. Eventually you will be able to let these feelings go.
Sometimes, a spouse simply can’t love us in the way that we need – or give us the love that we deserve. This can raise questions of: “Am I not good enough?” Self-love is important here, recognizing that you deserve to be loved and appreciated.
Disappointment is felt in almost every divorce – and you can end up questioning why things didn’t work out. One can feel like they’ve thrown away years of hard work. Remember that no time is ever wasted, and heartbreaks come with great wisdom and opportunities for fulfilment.
It’s common for people to blame themselves for a divorce. But blaming yourself is not the answer. Some people are right for each other; others are not.
A very typical reaction from someone coming out of a bad divorce is to say “Forget love!” While it is necessary to take time to heal and recover – most experts say it takes at least a year – don’t close the book on love! While it sounds cliché there are millions of fish in the sea, and one is just right for you. Have faith!
Eight Steps to Recover from a Difficult Divorce
- Let your emotions out after your divorce
Don’t bottle up your sadness or disappointment. Reach out to close friends or family and talk things over. A conversation will help you feel better and you may even gain some insightful perspectives to help you move on.
- Don’t analyze and overthink
Remember, you cannot change what’s happened. No matter how much you think about it or try and justify what happened, it will not change the past. But you can take what you have learned and use it to move forward with better results this time.
- Distance yourself from your ex after a divorce
It’s tempting to text, or call your ex – or to troll them on Facebook, or ask other people who know your ex to report on them. But you need time and space to yourself, so you can move on – and remaining in contact will not allow you to do this effectively.
- Keep occupied after your divorce
Keep busy! Spend time with people you love, doing things you love. The more unoccupied time you have, the more likely you will be to rehash, analyze or dwell on the past instead of moving forward.
- Accept that your love was real and it was a gift
Try to remember that initially in the marriage you had good moments, – and that marriage taught you so much about yourself, others, and how to love another human being.
- Take care of yourself after a divorce
Attend to your needs mentally, as well as physically. Stay active, get at least moderate exercise, eat well, laugh, read, pray, do yoga, meditate, or whatever it takes to maintain a healthy outlook.
- Learn from the experience and let go
Remember that people come into our lives for a reason – and teach us what we need to know. As hard as it may seem after the divorce, try and understand that the experience of being married and going through a divorce has provided valuable knowledge.
- Know that you will be stronger
You’ll not only be wiser, but you’ll also become more powerful after surviving a difficult divorce. You will learn to deal with life on your own, and you will learn to depend on yourself to move forward.
Every person is different, and everyone deals with divorce in their own way. But, sometimes a little guidance and perspective can help you through the process. I have seen hundreds of my clients move on to better, happier lives after divorce. And the vast majority even call me in a few years to report that they have once again found love – and it’s even better than before because of all they have learned and grown.
Like any other challenge in life, you are going to get through the divorce and move on to a better life. Be patient, remain positive and above all have faith in yourself!